Capture

The last couple of weeks, I’ve posted some photos of Misha Collins I was lucky enough to take in Vancouver this past August. I’ve been overwhelmed with how kind everyone has been about them, especially when people say things like “I feel like I’m actually seeing Misha for the first time.”

To me, that’s astonishing. Honestly, he was always one of the hardest people for me to photograph. I never felt like I was quite capturing him, not in the same way as other people. I felt like I missed the mark more often than not. But it’s consistently been a comment since I put out the portraits I took in Vancouver, and I’ve been wondering why.

Misha Collins, Vancouver 2016

Portraiture is this weirdly intimate thing. What you’re essentially doing is you’re asking someone to open up to you. Unless it’s a brief where you are creating a character (like a themed photoshoot, like a cosplay shoot) you are asking someone to bare who they are to you. This is over and above any qualms a person may have about having their photo taken anyway. Anyone who doesn’t like having their photo taken knows what a horrifying thing it can be – staring at an impersonal lens staring back at you. Are you smiling too much? Not enough? Should you be smiling at all? Are you standing in an unflattering way? Do you have something in your teeth?

Actors are used to having their photo taken, it’s part of their job. But it’s not necessarily a pleasant part of their job – a lot of them don’t like it either. So for this amazing cast to agree to sit for me, someone with next to no experience and so adding a layer of awkwardness on top of all the other awkwardness, is a huge deal.

Matt Cohen, Phoenix 2016

Rob Benedict, Seattle 2016

I’m not an outgoing person; I’m quite shy and so to have to direct these people that I admire so deeply felt wrong. They were taking a huge risk on me and I had to try to prove that it was worth it, to give up their time and do something that is so oddly personal.

Briana Buckmaster, Seattle 2016

Osric Chau, Vancouver 2016

But the interesting thing is that I think it works to my advantage. There’s a push-pull with any photographer / subject that becomes evident in the photograph. For me to bring this almost raw beginner quality to shooting almost makes it okay for them to in some ways take control, but in other ways also open up. I must seem like sort of a safe space. I don’t know if what I was capturing was the “real” Misha, or the “real” Matt, because we don’t know who they are. Their job and their ability to have a proper work / life balance means it’s almost necessary for them to have some form of guard around them, to protect some part of themselves and shield it from people.

But I think what I was capturing was perhaps what I feel about them, and then that is what resonates with people. Because when I’m taking portraits, I’m not only trying to pull some response from the subject, but also from the person who’s going to look at the photo. I’ve talked about it before, but when we look at a portrait of someone we are all going to be looking at it through a framework that is very particular to ourselves. If you care about someone, you’re going to look at a photo of them and see the qualities evident in it that makes that person appealing to you.

Rob Benedict and Richard Speight Jr, Seattle 2016

Matt Cohen, Phoenix 2016

Osric Chau, Vancouver 2016

That’s a powerful act of recognition and connection that occurs on an almost unconscious level that we don’t quite understand. I somehow know this person, because I know absolutely how I feel about this person.

So the most mind-blowing comment for me is someone saying that they see a photo I’ve taken and really see the person in it, because over and above whatever I’ve captured, I’ve somehow brought out that feeling of recognition in the person looking at the photo, and that feels like such a huge achievement.

Misha Collins, Vancouver 2016

Rob Benedict and Briana Buckmaster, Seattle 2016

I don’t know if this is something that gets better over time, or if it is even something that can be worked on. Maybe I’m just lucky, and it’s because of how strongly I feel about these people in particular. But I’m lucky that I am able to have the opportunity to try something like this with the people I care about.

Salute to Supernatural Vancouver 2016

By the time August rolls around it usually means three things; my birthday (ugh), lay-by now for Christmas (what?) and Salute to Supernatural Vancouver.

This was my fifth (what??) year going over to beautiful Vancouver, BC to attend Creation Entertainment’s convention at the mecca of Supernatural. While I haven’t done the normal touristy things that people do in Vancouver, the small downtown and harbour side places I’ve hung out are so, so beautiful and make it seem like it would be the coolest place to live. I could spend forever meandering along Robson St, or walking through the lush greenery of Stanley Park, or sitting on a park bench in Coal Harbour.

I was lucky this time, because my friend Chris actually took me out to see some of Stanley Park, so I did get to photograph something other than the inside of a hotel convention hall this time.

But for this weekend it was all about the con, and Supernatural.

The cons have become a well oiled machine by now, although this weekend was going to be different. Richard Speight Jr, who usually hosts the con weekend, was busy filming and couldn’t make the convention. Instead, we were going to be treated to Briana Buckmaster and Kim Rhodes as co-hosts, who promised Richard nothing except to totally throw his rule book out the window.

 

Kim Rhodes and Briana Buckmaster, MC Queens, VanCon 2016

 

Filling in for Richard Speight Jr is a big task for anyone, but Kim and Briana more than rose to the challenge. They are so much fun and their attitudes to life and fandom are heady and infectious. They see fandom for all the good it does and can do. Their different personalities compliment each other in the way that those people with startling chemistry often do. It’s become one of the best parts of these cons for me; watching how these different friendship dynamics work and trying to capture that through photography.

 

 

Richard had once joked that VanCon was Porncouver, and that was the only bit of advice Kim and Briana took and ran with. The whole weekend seemed like a chance for each of the cast to try to one-up each other in making it the best Porncouver it could possibly be. But most of all it was about having FUN. Kim and Briana had the same energy at the last panel on Sunday than they had very first thing on Friday.

 

Kim Rhodes, Misha Collins, and Briana Buckmaster, Saturday, VanCon 2016

 

Kim Rhodes and Rob Benedict, Sunday, VanCon 2016

 

Even Jensen and Jared were a bit taken aback at Porncouver, Sunday, VanCon 2016

 

But they quickly got used to it. Sunday, VanCon 2016

 

It was hard not having Richard there; without any of the core convention cast there it feels like there’s a hole there that can’t be replaced. He’s become the real heart of the whole thing, the glue that holds everyone together. But if he is the heart, then Kim and Briana definitely feel like representations of us. It was as if we were given the keys to car and we were all driving it headlong through the weekend.

Karaoke was the usual crazy affair, with some added weirdness with the (very) wrong lyrics being put up for a Justin Timberlake song. Matt Cohen was the King of the Con, with Rob Benedict as his Queen (?). Louden Swain came out to do a song, which is always fun (I love those guys).

 

Stephen Norton capturing the Karaoke audience, Friday, VanCon 2016

 

Matt Cohen, Karaoke, Friday VanCon 2016

 

The Louden Swain Saturday Night Special was a highlight, just like it always is. It has truly become one of my favourite things on earth, and the day I don’t get to see one anymore I think will crush me.

 

Rob Benedict, Louden Swain Saturday Night Special, VanCon 2016

 

You can tell the cast put their all into it. I don’t think I’ve ever known a more talented, dedicated group of people, and the love and enjoyment they obviously get from doing this concert and watching it grow and evolve is so evident during every single moment. I am so, so honoured I’ve been able to photograph it as much as I have, and watch it change and become what it is now.

 

Kim Rhodes, Louden Swain Saturday Night Special, VanCon 2016

 

Jensen Ackles, Louden Swain Saturday Night Special, VanCon 2016

 

Osric Chau, Louden Swain Saturday Night Special, VanCon 2016

 

Rob Benedict, Louden Swain Saturday Night Special, VanCon 2016

 

Briana Buckmaster, Louden Swain Saturday Night Special, VanCon 2016

 

I could never accurately sum up how much I admire and love the band Louden Swain either. One day I may try, but until then I don’t think I have the words or the photographs to do it justice.

 

Billy Moran, Louden Swain Saturday Night Special, VanCon 2016

 

Mike Borja, Louden Swain Saturday Night Special, VanCon 2016

 

Stephen Norton, Louden Swain Saturday Night Special, VanCon 2016

 

Rob Benedict, Louden Swain Saturday Night Special, VanCon 2016

Osric Chau // Vancouver 2016 Photoshoot

The photoshoot I did with Osric Chau in Vancouver was the 8th photoshoot that we’ve done, and true to form I had no idea it was going to happen until about an hour before it did.

Osric had been really, really busy over the Summer and had even missed a couple of conventions due to filming. When I went over for VanCon I didn’t even know if we were going to be doing a shoot; and even when I got there I was told he would be doing a shoot with Chris Schmelke.

On the Saturday (Osric’s last day at the con before he flew out of the country), Chris messaged me to tell me to meet him, and told me that I was doing the shoot. Osric had driven home to get a suit, and by the time he got back we had about half an hour until he had to eat and do sound check for the Louden Swain Saturday Night Special.

(This is all to illustrate how incredibly rushed things like this are; there’s barely any time to think or plan, but likewise there’s no time to overthink and worry.)

It was about 7PM, but as it was still Summer in Vancouver the light was only just starting to leave. It wasn’t quite golden hour, but close to it.

 

 

 

 

Because Osric was dressed in a suit, and because of the location where we took the photos, they ended up having a completely different feel to any of the other shoots we’ve done. They looked a lot more mature, and I think it was a combination of things that framed the shoot that way.

It wasn’t cosplay, so it wasn’t necessarily a character. It came from a more personal place, and that felt a bit more grounded. To a certain degree it was still acting, but there was more of an emphasis on trying to capture something rooted in reality as opposed to a concept.

 

 

It became more about me trying to find a way to show “him”, but it was a “him” that he was letting me see. I’m still learning direction, and being more proactive about what I want in shoots. I was so grateful my friend Kat was there to help, because she’s excellent at direction and knows Osric well.

 

 

 

 

It’s probably the shoot I’m most proud of and was most surprised at how it turned out. Because I went into it not really knowing what we were going to do, we ended up just using the location as a guide and going from there. Ideas were bounced around, we tried different things and if something didn’t work we scrapped it and moved on. It was a lot of fun, and I was so happy with how it turned out.

I think it shows a lot how much we’ve both maybe grown, in front of and behind the camera?

Salute to Supernatural Pasadena 2015

On the Monday following DenverCon, I made my way across to Pasadena for the convention there the following weekend. It was really different being able to say, “well I didn’t get such great shots at that panel, but I’ll have another chance in a week.” Usually you have your one shot and then it’s months before the next. I did try not to use it as an excuse to be lazy, or complacent in Denver though!

PasCon was a standout for me in so many ways. There were so many people I knew there, I got to see so many friends and familiar faces. My good friend Michelle, who I first met when I sat next to her at BurCon two years ago, was kind enough to drive us around for the few days before the con started. The weather was perfect. I love California.

 

 

As far as my photography goes, the standout for me was both Karaoke and the Louden Swain Saturday Night Special. Anyone reading these blogs will know that I am extremely critical of my photography, but both of these times something in me clicked and I just felt it all really working. I don’t know how else to explain it. You know those images that show what happens when a key fits into a lock properly and all the tumblers move into place? It was kind of like that.

 

Richard Speight Jr and Rob Benedict, Karaoke PasCon 2015

 

Briana Buckmaster, Karaoke PasCon 2015

 

Matt Cohen, Karaoke, PasCon 2015

 

Again, it was the Saturday Night Special that I truly found the most challenging and the most rewarding to shoot. I thought it would be especially bittersweet because it was the last of the year, but instead it felt like a huge celebration, an acknowledgement that they have found this amazing event that they want to hold onto and share into next year. Of course I cried, but that was a given.

 

Rob Benedict, Louden Swain Saturday Night Special PasCon 2015

 

Briana Buckmaster, Louden Swain Saturday Night Special PasCon 2015

 

Chris Schmelke, Louden Swain Saturday Night Special PasCon 2015

 

Osric Chau, Louden Swain Saturday Night Special, PasCon 2015

 

Richard Speight Jr, Louden Swain Saturday Night Special, PasCon 2015

 

Rob Benedict, Louden Swain Saturday Night Special, PasCon 2015

 

PasCon was also the first time I got to properly photograph Briana Buckmaster and Kathryn Newton, and I fell for them both. So lovely and funny!

 

Kathryn Newton, PasCon 2015

 

Briana Buckmaster, PasCon 2015

 

2015 was a big year for the Supernatural conventions. It was the 10th anniversary, there were more dates in different cities, bigger venues and the Louden Swain Saturday Night Special truly became a big monster event of its own. But at its heart, these were still the same conventions that they have always been. Some things will change, get bigger, get smaller. But some things will always be the same.

It’s the waiting in the lobby when you check in to your hotel wondering who else is there for the same convention, until you spot someone with a Family Business shirt and you know you’re in the right place. It’s your room at the start of a weekend,  an explosion of schedules and highlighters and different coloured tickets and lanyards and cosplay and phone chargers and SD cards for cameras. There’s the same nervous excitement waiting around for the doors to open before Karaoke late on a Friday night, laughing about being Friday People even though your feet already hurt and you could probably fall asleep if you sat down long enough. There is still the feeling of the sound of your heartbeat almost drowning out the music in Chris’ photo op room while you watch other people pose for photo ops and you wait your turn. There’s the butterflies when you wake up each morning and try desperately to force in breakfast because you know it’s probably the only decent food you’ll have all day. There’s still that feeling when your last autograph is done on a Sunday, and you start to see people leaving and you wonder if you’ll ever get used to what that feels like.

2015 was a big year, but 2016 will be bigger. The same but different. I think I’m ready for it.

10 Years of Supernatural

So it’s the 10th Birthday of Supernatural today. “The Little Show Who Could”. The little show that has changed so many lives. I know that it’s irrevocably changed mine.

There are certain high points of the show itself that will stay with me – the angel Castiel walking into the barn in the Season 4 premiere Lazarus Rising example, but long after the show has gone it will be everything that’s happened outside the show that I will most remember. The strong friendships I’ve made in the fandom, the impetus to travel overseas by myself for my first convention (thank you, Misha Collins) and most especially, these men in this cast that I have grown to know through a lens.

I wouldn’t be even half the person I am today thanks to the unwavering support of my family and friends, especially those I’ve made through Supernatural. To mention them all I would be too scared I would miss someone.

But these guys; it’s snippets of them that I think of when I think of Supernatural now, not even really the show. It’s become so much more than that. And I’ll remember so much more than that.

 

Like Misha Collins, who was the incentive for me to travel to my first con. His great emotional strength and kindness, as well as his depth and complexity. He carries around a lot, it’s easy to see that. But he does it with grace (no pun intended). I will always, always be grateful to him, and go to bat for him.

 

Rob Benedict and his beautiful smile that could light up a night sky. Without him and Louden Swain, I wouldn’t be half the photographer I am today. I feel blessed each time I’m tasked with trying to capture even half of the emotion and energy they give people on stage. I get teary around Rob, which I think gives him a complex. But it’s just because I’m so overwhelmed I don’t know how to put it into words.

 

Osric Chau and his warm hugs and his refusal to conform to any constraints people put on him, inside the industry or out. It’s his encouragement I’ll remember, the way his mind works, his laugh. The way he’s completely and utterly fascinating.

 

Richard Speight Jr and his incredible mind. Always the sharpest person in the room, he’s also the most considerate and warmest person you could hope to meet. The true heart and soul of the convention and the convention fandom, he really takes care of everyone. And he can sell a joke like no one else.

 

Matt Cohen, his beautiful soul like a warm summer afternoon. Warm and loyal, his friendship with Richard and Rob is one of my most favourite things I get to see.

 

Gil McKinney and his heavenly voice. The way he had lost some of his confidence and got it back by singing at the conventions, like a mirror of so many people who walk away renewed by being at the cons. He is our Snarky Prince Charming, and he seems so touched and amused to be.

 

Jensen Ackles and his grandpa syndrome! His unparalleled talent and the way he so obviously leads everyone by example. His unicorn laugh where he can’t hold it in any longer, and his whole body shakes.  Oh and his comedy elbows before he tells a joke that he thinks is funny.

 

And Jared Padalecki, the 6ft 4 whirling bundle of energy who wears his heart firmly on his sleeve. All legs, hair and heart. That’s what he is.

 

And sort of outside the Supernatural cast but definitely part of the Supernatural family, Chris Schmelke. My big brother. Who won’t let me say goodbye at the end of conventions now. I love him and am grateful for the fact he puts up with me.

 

I don’t know how I came to be so lucky to be able to hold these memories of these people but I will hold onto them for as long as I can. Maybe that’s why I strive so hard to get better at taking photos. Because I have such dynamic people I’m trying to capture and don’t want to forget.