2016

It’s currently 1:42am on Saturday, December 31st, 2016. 

When I was little, the countdown to Christmas went by in the time it took you to blink. Then before you knew it you were counting down the days until New Year, and until you had to go back to school, and that seemed to go even faster.

But I’m grown now, and the end of 2016 feels like these last few months have staggered and almost crawled to the end.

2016 will probably not be looked on fondly when people look back years from now. I can practically feel the echoing wave of collective sighs of relief when the clock ticks over around the world into the near year. To a lot of people, 2016 has felt like one long drawn out ending. We’re all holding our breath.

Good things happened; of course they always do. It can take longer to look for them sometimes. I feel like this year my photography finally took a step forward – it’s closer to where I want it to look, feel. I’m still not there (I’ll never feel quite “there”, I don’t even know where “there” is) but it definitely took a leap over the seemingly immovable static I had been feeling.

 

Osric Chau, Captain America, Vegas Cosplay Portrait, 2016

 

Rob Benedict, Viper Room LA, June 2016

 

Billy Moran, Viper Room June 2016

 

Matt Cohen, Phoenix 2016

 

I was privileged to get to work with incredible people, to be supported by incredible people. I was able to push myself way out of my comfort zone and found I liked it; no, I loved it. Even when I hated it, even when I was scared of it, I loved it.

 

Briana Buckmaster, Seattle 2016

 

Matt Cohen and Osric Chau, Phoenix 2016

 

Makayla, September 2016

 

Rob Benedict and Richard Speight Jr, Seattle 2016

 

Osric, Vancouver 2016

 

Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles, Sunday, VanCon 2016

 

Kim Rhodes and Rob Benedict, PhxCon 2016

 

Angie and Brooke, October 2016

 

Osric Chau, Phoenix 2016

 

Jared Padalecki, Misha Collins, Jensen Ackles PhxCon 2016

 

Ruth Connell, SFCon 2016

 

Danielle, October 2016

 

2016 firmly cemented in my mind that portraiture is where my heart and soul is; it’s where I feel strongest, where I feel the most afraid, where I feel the most exhilarated. I was so, so fortunate I had such a wealth of amazing people that helped cement that for me.

 

Misha Collins, Vancouver 2016

 

Kat, LA 2016
Makeup by Vic Righthand

 

Kim Rhodes, LA 2016
Makeup by Vic Righthand

 

Timothy Omundson, LA 2016

 

Rob Benedict, LA 2016

 

But 2016 was an ending for me too. I don’t know what the future will bring, and it was an ending for me thinking that if I just sit back and be patient enough things will happen. I have to stop thinking that way. I need to become proactive and make things happen. Patience is a virtue, but so is passion and movement and action. If I really want this as much as I claim I do, I need to go out and get it.

I don’t know how.

I’m scared.

I will still tell myself I’m not good enough.

But I won’t listen anymore.

It’s now 2:22am, Saturday December 31, 2016. I’ll go to bed, wake up, and it will be the last day of this crazy, unrepeatable year.

Goodbye, 2016.

Hello, 2017. 

Art Show Portraits

A couple of weeks ago, my Aunt told me about an art show they were having at one of the residential aged care facilities where she works. The residents who were having their art work displayed were going to have photos to go alongside their biographies, and she asked me if I would be willing to take them.

I went today, and while I can’t show any of the photos for privacy reasons, I thought I would write a little bit about the experience, because it was so different to any other portraits I have taken. So I apologise if this ends up being a bit TL;DR with no photos to break it up. I’ll try and be succinct!

Maiden Makayla

I have been wanting to take a historically based portrait of my niece Makayla for awhile, ever since I took her photo for the Exposure contest last year. I feel like she has a particular look that is quite timeless and ethereal and I thought it would be interesting to play with.

We found a Renaissance Maiden costume online (I cannot sew, and I don’t really know anyone who can) and so we decided to set up my lights and try taking some photos today. It wasn’t ideal – the weather has been crazy here, and it was really, really windy. There was nowhere really inside that we could set everything up, so I ended up having to try to make space on the patio outside. In between gusts of wind, we hung up the brown material backdrop and weighted it down to stop it from blowing everywhere (did I mention I really need a proper setup? I really need a proper setup). It was kind of misshapen, and what little sunlight backlit it in such a way that you could see the railing behind the material. I just hoped that I could stand Makayla on something tall enough so that she was in front of part of the material that didn’t have any shadows, lines, or weird looking creases.

My sister helped by doing Makayla’s hair and getting her ready, and then helped hold down the light (so windy …). I just used the one light setup with my Elinchrom Rx4 flash head and a 66cm softbox, camera left, quite close to Makayla to diffuse the light.

 

I had actually planned to try a butterfly lighting setup, and I probably will next time since I have already convinced my sister and Makayla that we should try again when it’s less windy.

I was actually quite surprised how the photos ended up turning out. I think I was better at directing Makayla this time; still not perfect, but everytime I’m doing it I think I’m improving. There are definite poses I had hoped to do that I didn’t get to, so I will try them next time.

 

 

I really like how rich the backdrop material can look with a light vignette in post. I very lightly adjusted the temperature and added the vignette, but other than that they didn’t require a great deal of editing. I knew roughly how I wanted them to look, and I thought they turned out quite well!

 

 

 

 

Makayla is actually really, really patient with me photographing her which I’m hugely grateful for. Now that I have done this style once, I can try again hopefully with some different poses and maybe an alternate lighting setup.

 

Capture

The last couple of weeks, I’ve posted some photos of Misha Collins I was lucky enough to take in Vancouver this past August. I’ve been overwhelmed with how kind everyone has been about them, especially when people say things like “I feel like I’m actually seeing Misha for the first time.”

To me, that’s astonishing. Honestly, he was always one of the hardest people for me to photograph. I never felt like I was quite capturing him, not in the same way as other people. I felt like I missed the mark more often than not. But it’s consistently been a comment since I put out the portraits I took in Vancouver, and I’ve been wondering why.

Misha Collins, Vancouver 2016

Portraiture is this weirdly intimate thing. What you’re essentially doing is you’re asking someone to open up to you. Unless it’s a brief where you are creating a character (like a themed photoshoot, like a cosplay shoot) you are asking someone to bare who they are to you. This is over and above any qualms a person may have about having their photo taken anyway. Anyone who doesn’t like having their photo taken knows what a horrifying thing it can be – staring at an impersonal lens staring back at you. Are you smiling too much? Not enough? Should you be smiling at all? Are you standing in an unflattering way? Do you have something in your teeth?

Actors are used to having their photo taken, it’s part of their job. But it’s not necessarily a pleasant part of their job – a lot of them don’t like it either. So for this amazing cast to agree to sit for me, someone with next to no experience and so adding a layer of awkwardness on top of all the other awkwardness, is a huge deal.

Matt Cohen, Phoenix 2016

Rob Benedict, Seattle 2016

I’m not an outgoing person; I’m quite shy and so to have to direct these people that I admire so deeply felt wrong. They were taking a huge risk on me and I had to try to prove that it was worth it, to give up their time and do something that is so oddly personal.

Briana Buckmaster, Seattle 2016

Osric Chau, Vancouver 2016

But the interesting thing is that I think it works to my advantage. There’s a push-pull with any photographer / subject that becomes evident in the photograph. For me to bring this almost raw beginner quality to shooting almost makes it okay for them to in some ways take control, but in other ways also open up. I must seem like sort of a safe space. I don’t know if what I was capturing was the “real” Misha, or the “real” Matt, because we don’t know who they are. Their job and their ability to have a proper work / life balance means it’s almost necessary for them to have some form of guard around them, to protect some part of themselves and shield it from people.

But I think what I was capturing was perhaps what I feel about them, and then that is what resonates with people. Because when I’m taking portraits, I’m not only trying to pull some response from the subject, but also from the person who’s going to look at the photo. I’ve talked about it before, but when we look at a portrait of someone we are all going to be looking at it through a framework that is very particular to ourselves. If you care about someone, you’re going to look at a photo of them and see the qualities evident in it that makes that person appealing to you.

Rob Benedict and Richard Speight Jr, Seattle 2016

Matt Cohen, Phoenix 2016

Osric Chau, Vancouver 2016

That’s a powerful act of recognition and connection that occurs on an almost unconscious level that we don’t quite understand. I somehow know this person, because I know absolutely how I feel about this person.

So the most mind-blowing comment for me is someone saying that they see a photo I’ve taken and really see the person in it, because over and above whatever I’ve captured, I’ve somehow brought out that feeling of recognition in the person looking at the photo, and that feels like such a huge achievement.

Misha Collins, Vancouver 2016

Rob Benedict and Briana Buckmaster, Seattle 2016

I don’t know if this is something that gets better over time, or if it is even something that can be worked on. Maybe I’m just lucky, and it’s because of how strongly I feel about these people in particular. But I’m lucky that I am able to have the opportunity to try something like this with the people I care about.

Osric Chau // Vancouver 2016 Photoshoot

The photoshoot I did with Osric Chau in Vancouver was the 8th photoshoot that we’ve done, and true to form I had no idea it was going to happen until about an hour before it did.

Osric had been really, really busy over the Summer and had even missed a couple of conventions due to filming. When I went over for VanCon I didn’t even know if we were going to be doing a shoot; and even when I got there I was told he would be doing a shoot with Chris Schmelke.

On the Saturday (Osric’s last day at the con before he flew out of the country), Chris messaged me to tell me to meet him, and told me that I was doing the shoot. Osric had driven home to get a suit, and by the time he got back we had about half an hour until he had to eat and do sound check for the Louden Swain Saturday Night Special.

(This is all to illustrate how incredibly rushed things like this are; there’s barely any time to think or plan, but likewise there’s no time to overthink and worry.)

It was about 7PM, but as it was still Summer in Vancouver the light was only just starting to leave. It wasn’t quite golden hour, but close to it.

 

 

 

 

Because Osric was dressed in a suit, and because of the location where we took the photos, they ended up having a completely different feel to any of the other shoots we’ve done. They looked a lot more mature, and I think it was a combination of things that framed the shoot that way.

It wasn’t cosplay, so it wasn’t necessarily a character. It came from a more personal place, and that felt a bit more grounded. To a certain degree it was still acting, but there was more of an emphasis on trying to capture something rooted in reality as opposed to a concept.

 

 

It became more about me trying to find a way to show “him”, but it was a “him” that he was letting me see. I’m still learning direction, and being more proactive about what I want in shoots. I was so grateful my friend Kat was there to help, because she’s excellent at direction and knows Osric well.

 

 

 

 

It’s probably the shoot I’m most proud of and was most surprised at how it turned out. Because I went into it not really knowing what we were going to do, we ended up just using the location as a guide and going from there. Ideas were bounced around, we tried different things and if something didn’t work we scrapped it and moved on. It was a lot of fun, and I was so happy with how it turned out.

I think it shows a lot how much we’ve both maybe grown, in front of and behind the camera?